He’s in a place he’s very familair with
A place of emptiness and uncertainty
A place he hates so much
Yet he always walks right into it
Never in mind was a small step
For he only knows how to leap
Going all out as always
And now he’s swallowed by the abyss
One.
He wasn’t sure which feeling is worst: walking with a throbbing heart filled with emptiness, or the thought about her, brushing his hair with her fingers like it meant something to her.
Two.
He wonders if he is ever good enough to make someone stay.
Three.
He’ll start with baby steps. Simple steps that would help him move forward with his life. Until such time that he could finally do that giant stride towards the happy ending he always dreamt.
Four.
He might not be ready yet. He doesn’t even know how or when it’ll happen. But somehow, somewhere out there, someone is waiting for him. Someone worthy of all the love he has. Someone who has a heart so big it can contain his overwhelming affection. Someone he can trust with his life. Someone who would respect and love him for who he is. Someone who doesn’t have to ask for his love, because he would giver her not just his heart, but his world.
Five.
For now, he cries. Like a leaking faucet. Until someone who understands and cares, finally decides to wipe his tears, and love what’s left of him, and fix the broken faucet.
From being completely happy, to feeling completely miserable in a span of twelve hours.
He walked in a mall full of people, yet still felt that he was so alone.
Sometimes he just feels so overwhelmed with emotions, he cries.
He feels restless, add to it the the bags he is carrying under his eyes fitting his problems.
He used to always feel like he was in Cloud 9. Now, he only feels like he’s in a cloud of lies.
He wanted to kiss as many lips as he can to remove the stamp of her lips on his mouth.
But he still loves her.
He loves her so much he kept apologizing to the bathroom wall for taking the punches meant to somehow ease his problems.
Nevermind the pain on his hand, he just wanted to feel something else aside fom the groping sadness that enevelopes him.
He is tired and restless, but still hopeful.
He’s hopeful that maybe on his way to his destination, somewhere along the way he’d meet the person who’d help him carry his bags, and together they’ll climb the clouds.
Someone who is more than a temporary solution to his loneliness.
Someone waiting who is just as excited and has been looking at her watch constantly wondering what’s keeping him so long.
Someone to share the happy ending that never was.
He was drunk with her champaigne smile that he kissed the moon.
He was high on her love that he stole the stars.
Now that he is sober, he doesn’t know what to do.
He loves her.
She loves him.
But things aren’t the same as they were.
Their love isn’t running on just a straight line anymore.
Their love is a busy subway, with a train doing a rollercoaster flip before stopping by every station.
They’re treading the line between uncertainty and anxiety.
He loves her.
She loves him.
But things aren’t the same as they were.
She is a fragile princess.
He is a wounded warrior.
They’re housed by an old castle made of plans for tomorrow– a future that will never be.
He loves her.
She loves him.
But things aren’t the same as they were.
He once shone as bright as the sun brimming brightness and hope.
She once wore a smile as wide as the universe.
Now, they’re a single chandelier with a lot of missing pieces, an artifact of memories and a hopeful promise that never was.
He loves her.
She loves him.
But things aren’t the same as they were.
But still,
He loves her, and she loves him.
That is more than enough.
He is at his worst, but he’s trying to be strong.
For after all, to be strong is the only option he has.
To succumb to sadness, is to forget he lives.
Yet after all that’s been said and done, he prays for one thing.
He prays for her, and her alone.
He prays for God to give her the strength and courage to face the present.
For dark days loom the present,
Flooded by rivers of tears and regrets.
To faith he clings, and wished her well.
He prays to God not for him, but for her.
He feels like a five-foot-eight-and-a-half solidified sadness.
His chest: an overinflated balloon, a puff of air short to exploding.
His eyes: waterfalls of tears and sleep-deprived crystals.
His brain: a network of uncertainties, never resting easy.
His heart: meek and humble, beaten and bruised, tired, but refuses to give up.
Her smile
was the most beautiful he has ever seen.
It was partly poetic,
and partly euphoric.
He promised her that he would be her reason when she’s becoming unreasonable.
But what if, he’s the one becoming unreasonable?
What if, he’s now forcing himself to her?
What if, she already lost the spark, but he’s still hanging on to it like a loose thread?
What if, he just doesn’t want to accept it, but all hope is lost?
What if, the love that burnt like a forestfire is now reduced to a mere fickle?
What if, he just doesn’t want to admit it, but he is tired of trying? Of fighting for a love that doesn’t want to fight for him? Of sacrificing everything he has even if he is left with nothing? Of holding on to a fabrication of thought of them being back together?
What if, all those ‘what ifs’ are actually his reality?
Out of all those what ifs, he was certain of one thing. Despite the sadness that now engulfs him, he is certain that his love for her was the truest feeling he has ever felt.
A pain so suffocafing it leaves him gasping for breath
It was wrong of him to put her on that pedestal, knowing how greatly she was afraid of heights
He is returning her beautiful smile, for this time he wants to wear his own.
The question now is, who is willing to drink shards of a broken personality?
Who will risk putting together a puzzle so incomplete it lost most of its pieces?
Rambling Perspectives 